I just need a minute before I delve into my next "to-do" and trying to make my early school night bedtime.
I'm teaching 5 different preps again this year. 107 total students (fewer than last year). One of those preps is AP English, which is a crazy workload in and of itself. I am the only teacher at ODCS carrying 5 preps that includes AP level. I should get the Junior term papers started in November. I'm the junior class advisor. I'm working after-care 2 days a week for an additional, and much needed stipend.
I'm getting married in 90 days. Most of our wedding is DIY, homemade stuff. That's how it has to be and how I want it to be. In those next 90 days I have at least 3 showers being given. Probably a bachelorette party, too. Thanksgiving. I need to work out and not gain any weight for my wedding gown. I need to be in Canton for a lot of upcoming weekends to get wedding stuff done. Pre-marital counseling sessions need to fit in there, somewhere.
I have an apartment to pack up and move into my fiancé's house in that 90 days. Combining our stuff will take some time. We have some home repairs to finish before I move in. We have a lot of things we need to sort through and give/throw away.
And that's just what I can remember right now. If it's not in my iPhone, I'll forget it. Like getting my meds from the pharmacy before it closed today. Oops.
I'm not sure there are enough hours in the day.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Turning It Around
I almost gave up on this thing. I love reading my friend's blogs. It's great to hear what is going on in their lives and getting cute updates about their kids. I have quite a few blogs that I stalk follow and it's part of my unwinding routine in the evening. My original plan for this blog was to write about my plans to make some major changes in my life in the way of weight loss and money management. I thought blogging about it would perhaps help me stay accountable. Well, when you struggle with something, you don't really want to write about it. I had no desire to blog about things that were a daily struggle. It got me down. I felt defeated.
So I'm turning this thing in a new direction. The most important things in my life are as follows:
1. My relationship with God
2. My relationship with Matt (he will be my husband in 94 days, people...94 days!)
3. My family
4. Teaching the world's best preteens and teenagers
That's what my blog is going to be about now. I need the release. And maybe, just maybe, some of you like to read about my mundane goings on. I don't expect a big following. I'm not looking to make a business out of this thing. But writing is a great way to think things through sometimes so I think I need to do a bit more of it.
I'm not going to prattle on too much more today, but it was the first day of school today so I have a few gems to share:
1. I assigned an essay today for my Junior level AP English class, due Monday. Call me sadistic, but the look on their faces when I told them they had an essay due Monday was awesome. I wish I could have frozen that moment and taken a picture. I love freaking out teenagers like that!
2. I have a class of 27 6th graders (!) and many are quite talkative. LOTS of personality in that class. Anyway, I was trying to tell them that generally I don't want them to shout-out during class if they have something to say, but I might let them sometimes. Nathaniel, who had already shouted-out many times (and was one of the reasons I was bringing up this point) raises his hand and says, "Miss Cluff, when we're allowed to shout out, can I let the beast out of its cage?" I had to stifle some laughter, especially since the president of the school just happened to be in my room listening in. I think Nathaniel and I are going to have an interesting year.
So I'm turning this thing in a new direction. The most important things in my life are as follows:
1. My relationship with God
2. My relationship with Matt (he will be my husband in 94 days, people...94 days!)
3. My family
4. Teaching the world's best preteens and teenagers
That's what my blog is going to be about now. I need the release. And maybe, just maybe, some of you like to read about my mundane goings on. I don't expect a big following. I'm not looking to make a business out of this thing. But writing is a great way to think things through sometimes so I think I need to do a bit more of it.
I'm not going to prattle on too much more today, but it was the first day of school today so I have a few gems to share:
1. I assigned an essay today for my Junior level AP English class, due Monday. Call me sadistic, but the look on their faces when I told them they had an essay due Monday was awesome. I wish I could have frozen that moment and taken a picture. I love freaking out teenagers like that!
2. I have a class of 27 6th graders (!) and many are quite talkative. LOTS of personality in that class. Anyway, I was trying to tell them that generally I don't want them to shout-out during class if they have something to say, but I might let them sometimes. Nathaniel, who had already shouted-out many times (and was one of the reasons I was bringing up this point) raises his hand and says, "Miss Cluff, when we're allowed to shout out, can I let the beast out of its cage?" I had to stifle some laughter, especially since the president of the school just happened to be in my room listening in. I think Nathaniel and I are going to have an interesting year.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
I want something exciting to happen.
I have a steady job that I really enjoy (it's not a utopia, but being where God wants me to be is a good feeling). I have a boyfriend whom I love deeply and know that I will spend the rest of my life with. I have a family that supports each other through love, prayers, and humor. I have a second family that loves me as their own daughter, granddaughter, niece, and cousin. I have two incredible women that I call my best friends (even though it would be nice if we lived closer). I have a lot. I am blessed.
But...that routine that I've been praying to have for the last year...now that I have it, I'm feel a little bored!
There are SO many things that I want to happen that are not happening. And I can't control that. It drives me crazy. I want to be content with how things are but it is so difficult when there is this promise of a future that I've always dreamed about.
I'm not a very patient woman. Waiting for God's timing and waiting on other people has never been my strength. But that's where I am right now...stuck in routine, waiting for something exciting to happen.
But...that routine that I've been praying to have for the last year...now that I have it, I'm feel a little bored!
There are SO many things that I want to happen that are not happening. And I can't control that. It drives me crazy. I want to be content with how things are but it is so difficult when there is this promise of a future that I've always dreamed about.
I'm not a very patient woman. Waiting for God's timing and waiting on other people has never been my strength. But that's where I am right now...stuck in routine, waiting for something exciting to happen.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Smells Like Teen Angst
I am intimidated by high school students.
"But Emily," you say, "Aren't you a teacher of high school students?"
Yes, indeed. I am.
It's not every high school student. There are just a precious few. The ones who stare me down, blatantly do work for other classes in my class, sleep every day, subtly break dress code. I constantly interpret their stares as, "You have no idea what you are talking about and you are boring me to tears."
The good, effective teacher in me would stand up to them because, well, I am the teacher. I am the authority figure. What I say goes. And I have NO problem doing that with middle school kids. But there is something about these borderline defiant high school students that causes the effective teacher to hide and some pushover comes out and lets things slide.
It all kind of came to a head last Thursday. It was one of the worst days I've had at this school because I felt like I had no control of my classroom. And for someone who is frequently commended for excellent classroom management, this was not a good place to be. I spent the afternoon in prayer (and in tears, because that's what I do best) and decided to go back to the "First Day of School" the next day. All of my students got a refresher course in how to act in my classroom, what I expect from them, and what consequences they will face if these expectations are not met. I could tell the high schoolers hated every minute of it. But I felt like I was taking back control. It felt good. Friday was a complete 180 compared to Thursday.
I need to keep reminding myself how important it is for me to be an authority figure, not a buddy. I am 26-years-old...I do not need to befriend high school students. I have to remember that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter if they "like" me...it matters that I effectively use my position of authority to teach them more about the Lord. Hopefully the intimidation will fade as I continue to gain some confidence throughout the year. So there's that...
"But Emily," you say, "Aren't you a teacher of high school students?"
Yes, indeed. I am.
It's not every high school student. There are just a precious few. The ones who stare me down, blatantly do work for other classes in my class, sleep every day, subtly break dress code. I constantly interpret their stares as, "You have no idea what you are talking about and you are boring me to tears."
The good, effective teacher in me would stand up to them because, well, I am the teacher. I am the authority figure. What I say goes. And I have NO problem doing that with middle school kids. But there is something about these borderline defiant high school students that causes the effective teacher to hide and some pushover comes out and lets things slide.
It all kind of came to a head last Thursday. It was one of the worst days I've had at this school because I felt like I had no control of my classroom. And for someone who is frequently commended for excellent classroom management, this was not a good place to be. I spent the afternoon in prayer (and in tears, because that's what I do best) and decided to go back to the "First Day of School" the next day. All of my students got a refresher course in how to act in my classroom, what I expect from them, and what consequences they will face if these expectations are not met. I could tell the high schoolers hated every minute of it. But I felt like I was taking back control. It felt good. Friday was a complete 180 compared to Thursday.
I need to keep reminding myself how important it is for me to be an authority figure, not a buddy. I am 26-years-old...I do not need to befriend high school students. I have to remember that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter if they "like" me...it matters that I effectively use my position of authority to teach them more about the Lord. Hopefully the intimidation will fade as I continue to gain some confidence throughout the year. So there's that...
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Quality Time is my Love Language
Okay, this is kind of a big one. But one I'm sitting here struggling with as I type.
It's become fairly obvious to me and my man-friend that quality time is definitely my "love language." My definition of quality time is generally "no one else is in the room with us." That, my friends, is nearly an impossible feat in our lives right now.
Man-friend's family is SUPER involved in his life, in fact, Man-friend is usually the glue that holds everyone together. That said, he tends to schedule his life around them and their needs. Which is admirable, yes. A family man is a good thing. But I'm having a hard time fitting myself into that mold. Even 16 months into this relationship thing, I'm still working on how to mesh with his family and still feel that I'm getting quality time, even if it's only 10 minutes out of the day.
The insecurity comes with the feeling that if I'm only getting 10 minutes of uninterrupted Man-friend time, it's because there is something wrong with me. He'd rather spend time fixing his sister's bathroom, cooking all day with his dad, driving his grandparents around, staying late at work, etcetera etcetera than spend more than 10 minutes with just me. Even now, 5 family members are downstairs doing various tasks, in which Man-friend is involved, while I'm sitting upstairs in the office working on lesson plans for the week (and blogging). Could I be downstairs, helping with a, b, or c? Sure I could! And I'd be spending time with Man-friend AND his family. Quality time x 2! But, here I sit, stewing, because for weeks now we've been seriously lacking in what I deem as "quality time."
I know what I should do. I know that if I want to spend time with him, I need to be with him, even if that means sharing him. It shouldn't reflect on his affections toward me that he's spending more time with his family. That's my stupid insecure self sneaking up. So how do I reconcile that? How do I just get over my definition of "quality time" and go downstairs?
It's become fairly obvious to me and my man-friend that quality time is definitely my "love language." My definition of quality time is generally "no one else is in the room with us." That, my friends, is nearly an impossible feat in our lives right now.
Man-friend's family is SUPER involved in his life, in fact, Man-friend is usually the glue that holds everyone together. That said, he tends to schedule his life around them and their needs. Which is admirable, yes. A family man is a good thing. But I'm having a hard time fitting myself into that mold. Even 16 months into this relationship thing, I'm still working on how to mesh with his family and still feel that I'm getting quality time, even if it's only 10 minutes out of the day.
The insecurity comes with the feeling that if I'm only getting 10 minutes of uninterrupted Man-friend time, it's because there is something wrong with me. He'd rather spend time fixing his sister's bathroom, cooking all day with his dad, driving his grandparents around, staying late at work, etcetera etcetera than spend more than 10 minutes with just me. Even now, 5 family members are downstairs doing various tasks, in which Man-friend is involved, while I'm sitting upstairs in the office working on lesson plans for the week (and blogging). Could I be downstairs, helping with a, b, or c? Sure I could! And I'd be spending time with Man-friend AND his family. Quality time x 2! But, here I sit, stewing, because for weeks now we've been seriously lacking in what I deem as "quality time."
I know what I should do. I know that if I want to spend time with him, I need to be with him, even if that means sharing him. It shouldn't reflect on his affections toward me that he's spending more time with his family. That's my stupid insecure self sneaking up. So how do I reconcile that? How do I just get over my definition of "quality time" and go downstairs?
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