Okay, this is kind of a big one. But one I'm sitting here struggling with as I type.
It's become fairly obvious to me and my man-friend that quality time is definitely my "love language." My definition of quality time is generally "no one else is in the room with us." That, my friends, is nearly an impossible feat in our lives right now.
Man-friend's family is SUPER involved in his life, in fact, Man-friend is usually the glue that holds everyone together. That said, he tends to schedule his life around them and their needs. Which is admirable, yes. A family man is a good thing. But I'm having a hard time fitting myself into that mold. Even 16 months into this relationship thing, I'm still working on how to mesh with his family and still feel that I'm getting quality time, even if it's only 10 minutes out of the day.
The insecurity comes with the feeling that if I'm only getting 10 minutes of uninterrupted Man-friend time, it's because there is something wrong with me. He'd rather spend time fixing his sister's bathroom, cooking all day with his dad, driving his grandparents around, staying late at work, etcetera etcetera than spend more than 10 minutes with just me. Even now, 5 family members are downstairs doing various tasks, in which Man-friend is involved, while I'm sitting upstairs in the office working on lesson plans for the week (and blogging). Could I be downstairs, helping with a, b, or c? Sure I could! And I'd be spending time with Man-friend AND his family. Quality time x 2! But, here I sit, stewing, because for weeks now we've been seriously lacking in what I deem as "quality time."
I know what I should do. I know that if I want to spend time with him, I need to be with him, even if that means sharing him. It shouldn't reflect on his affections toward me that he's spending more time with his family. That's my stupid insecure self sneaking up. So how do I reconcile that? How do I just get over my definition of "quality time" and go downstairs?
No comments:
Post a Comment